'Value of Education\r'

'Smarthinkings E-structor reaction Form (Your marked-up finisheavor is below this bound. ) HOW THIS workings: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] end-to-end your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinkings OWL; best wishes with revising your authorship! *Strengths of the essay: Hello Angelia, and wel acquire! This is Nicole V. , and I allow for be your tutor for this essay. You shed a precise interesting paper about curfews.I take noned that you started forward your essay by directly indueing the subject at hand: Curfews do non foster continue teenagers out of tiff. They tend to nonoperational do what they want. A curfew fecal outcome sometimes be a discriminate if the teenager is running behind or late, it can put pres legitimate on them. Through this, your readers exit k instantly by rights away what your essay is about. dependable job! Now, le t’s move on to your revisions. Main Idea/Thesis: Angelia, let’s work on improving your thesis account first. A important supposition or thesis statement is the gunpoint you are trying to claim in your essay.This should invariably be present beca example your main idea volition inspection and repair as the topic in which you result write about. You wrote: This does not demote them from doing things they are not supposed to do. They only further up and do it or sort out haschisch decisions under pressure from peers. You were not able to present a clear thesis, Angelia. Remember that you are write an assertionative essay. Therefore, your thesis statement should present a strong position in an issue and apply that occupation with reasons.For example: â€Å"Minors should not be allowed to drink liquor until they are 18 [argument] beca theatrical role (reason 1), (reason 2) and (reason 3) [ rompding points]. ” You’ll notice that in the firs t part of the thesis statement, I presented a clear argument and afterwards provided supporting points, or reasons, why I stand by this argument. Therefore, what is your argument in this issue of big(p) teenagers a curfew? What is the message you are trying to lose crossways to your readers? How can you defend your position on the matter?Devising a clear thesis willing sustain your readers understand the purpose and the main idea of your essay, Angelia. To athletic supporter you with this, you can refer to this lesson in the Smarthinking generator’s Handbook on Thesis eruptment. governance: Angelia, institution is important because this is where you arrange the flow of your ideas. If your organization is good, this allows the readers to understand your essay stimulate. The line is found on how you presented your thesis statement, Angelia.However, because you were not able to present a clear argument, you were not able to defend your reasons for argument intimat ely through proper organization. Now, for example, based on the thesis I presented above: â€Å"Minors should not be allowed to drink liquor until they are 18 because (reason 1), (reason 2) and (reason 3). ” Therefore, Angelia, the body splits should be arranged in much(prenominal) a way that I can talk over each discussion point, as presented in my thesis statement, separately: I.Introduction II. Reason 1 III. Reason 2 IV. Reason 3 V. Conclusion Providing an outline will help you write your paragraphs in line with your popular topic, and allotting one paragraph to discuss each point will allow you to write your answers with concentration. Now, based on the example given, how can you apply this process of forming an outline to your essay, based on your own thesis? To help you with this, you can refer to this lesson in the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook on Arguing a Position. Angelia 5443747 has call for that you respond to the Transitions: Angelia, one way to estab lish a good flow of ideas in your essay is to use revolution words. Transition words are alike(p) thingmabobs that link ideas and sentences to establish a connection. For example, instead of look â€Å"I don’t like Chinese food. I like Japanese. ” you can say: â€Å"I don’t like Chinese food. However, I like Japanese. ” Doesn’t that sound much better? For example, you may use a transition device to transition to this paragraph: Curfews are made to reckon the whereabouts of the child.They are made for their protection. Curfews can help backup them rock-steady and also save their life. It will honour them moody the streets at all hours of the night. They will help you begin up with values and respect that will take you a long way in life. Here are a few transition words and phrases that might be helpful to meliorate your transitions: * When demo additional ideas: and, also, in addition, furthermore * When giving examples: for example, for instance, specifically * When comparing: also, like refreshing, similarly When contrasting: however, on the other(a) hand, yet, although * When summarizing or concluding: therefore, in other words * When showing the time: after, before, during, next, finally, meanwhile, immediately * When showing the place or direction: above, below, nearby, close, far, left, right * When indicating discursive relationships: therefore, consequently, as a result, thus, since, because Based on these specimen transition words I gave, how can you now apply these to improve your essay? You can use these to transition from one idea to another, as well as between paragraphs.Use it wisely; good luck, Angelia! *Angelia 5443747 has put across that you respond to the Word Choice: Angelia, I will skip commenting on this area first because right now, there are more important areas you involve to focus on. When you’ve worked on those, you can re choose your essay to us at Smarthinking and we’l l gladly help you with the rest. abbreviation of Next Steps: Our session ends here, Angelia. To make sure you make the best out of your paper, here is a critique of things you need to work on: * Develop an argumentative thesis statement. * Organize your essay based on the supporting points of your argument. Improve your sentence/paragraph transitions with the use of transition devices. I hope my suggestions serve you well in your revision. Don’t flitter to send us your essays and revisions as we are always glad to be of help. All the best! ~Nicole V. incur additional resources in Smarthinkings online library: You can call up more information about writing, grammar, and usage in Smarthinkings student handbooks. You can visit the Smarthinking Writers Handbook or the Smarthinking ESOL (English for speakers of other languages) Writers Handbook. ************************************************************************ Please look for more comments in your essay below. Thank yo u for visiting Smarthinking. We encourage you to submit future essays. *************************************************************************Angelia Nash Professor Smith Eng1123 003 07 Jan 2013 DO CURFEWS view as TEENS OUT OF TROUBLE Curfews do not help accompaniment teenagers out of trouble. They tend to still do what they want. A curfew can sometimes be a disadvantage if the teenager is running behind or late, it can put pressure on them.This does not stop them from doing things they are not supposed to do. They just speed up and do it or make hash decisions under pressure from peers. [Don’t stop to present your thesis, Angelia. The thesis is important as it presents your argument and the key points in which you will defend it. ] Teenagers with curfews still smoke, drink, skip school and have unprotected sex. On the other hand some parents believe in curfews because it will cut down on the trouble they can get into if they are home by the curfew time. Curfews do not d ecrease crime.Most of the crimes that are pull are done when they break curfew. The purpose of curfews is to keep them safe and at home by a decent time. Teenagers that do not have a certain time to be home have a lot more freedom and fun than should be allowed by parents. It is not a wise decision for a teenager to go and come as they please. They have no responsibility or work ethnics and nothing to strive for. They have no boundaries set for them, which is needed, nor learning how to be productive fully growns. If a teen gets to do as they please, the role of the adult is played by the teen not the parent. You use the comma properly to present the introductory agent in this sentence, Angelia. Observing proper punctuation helps elicit the readability of your paper. Keep it up. ] They will in the end become very disrespectful because they have not been taught. They will not be used to authority from the so called parent. Curfews are made to ensure the whereabouts of the child. They are made for their protection. Curfews can help keep them safe and also save their life. It will keep them off the streets at all hours of the night. They will help you grow up with alues and respect that will take you a long way in life. A curfew is a vital part of a teenager increase up with morals. They need to be able to get eight hours of sleep at night. This will not happen if they do not have a cutoff point. A lack of sleep leads to blighted grades, horrible attitudes, slacking on activities and disrespectful towards those in the authority to tell the child what to do. [You can develop your conclusion further, Angelia. The conclusion is a chance for you to recap the important points of your essay. Your thesis statement should also be reinforced here, to effectively wrap your discussion up. ]\r\n'